November 13-

Overwhelming urge to clean out closet overcomes me and I pull quantities of things out and strew them over the bed, chair, and floor. Find myself unable to move out of things surrounding my feet and call for help. Dear Brandon is preparing a turkey for dinner, but rises to the occasion by helping me to clear a path.

Later, as I walk through kitchen, he begins to whisper to turkey, rubbing it with spices and garlic, and Spanking it lightly.

The next day, he looks for something to eat, and informs me that the turkey had four legs. I tell him that in these Troubled Times, that seems perfectly reasonable. We already ate two, he ate one, and now there is another. Dear Turkey has grown another leg, no doubt due to Brandon’s whispering to it while he dressed and seasoned it.

Should future Wife need extra limbs for athletic endeavors, she will have Perfect Companion to provide her with them.  Dear Sugar shows some envy, but suspect this is more from desire to share in riches discovered than from desire to sprout fifth leg.

sugar

Efforts at Getting Rid of things begins to Pay off, and many, many items have been sorted and disposed of, and are in donation boxes, or garbage. Take heart at this state of affairs, and feel I am ready to tackle Bigger Things. Boxes of records and books are next in line for sorting, but have no great hopes that I will be able to let go of them all.

Young man who buys records is scheduled to come over and sort through stacks with me. My plans to dig up pedal pushers, pink scarf to tie around neck, wear hair in flip, and lie on stomach popping bubble gum while sorting through 45s and LPs, will no doubt, not meet with enthusiasm from young man.

records

Receive text from email address with same last name as myself. Unable to remember family member who tells me about woman who has competed in national marathon. Consider responding to anonymous, but genetically-related person, that I am now champion Pole Dancer, that dear Don has become a woman, and Brandon is interning at White House. Feel this would be appropriate response to text bragging about family member I do not remember off-hand. I request more information from sender, and he replies that He is a Grandfather now, which does not put me any further ahead.

Have recourse to my brother, who Remembers Everyone, and find out he is a cousin. We have actually met several years ago, but neither of us recall this immediately. He and his wife have had twins and quads, who are now grown, my brother informs me, and she is running marathon. Am suitably impressed, but still inclined to begin announcing to relatives that I am now pole dancer.

dancing

While out shopping, overhear elderly man flirting with Young Thing. She tells him she is single, and he accuses her of ‘Keeping it All to Herself’. Young Thing laughs uproariously, and I reflect that Great Age is a relaxing state of mind that doesn’t require a great deal of thought when dealing with the Opposite Sex. Consider using Suave Suitor’s techniques on the next young man that strolls my way.

Spend eleven hours the next day submitting dear Diary to blog directories. Eyes are dry and staring, brain is buzzing, but find myself unable to stop.

Circle of Life has invaded internet activities when I write in Diary about submitting It to directories.

 

November 10-

Vocabulary Circle of Life makes it’s first appearance in Diary. Dear Brandon tells me English dictionary has caved to Societal pressure, and the word ‘literally’ is now defined as being both actual and metaphorical. This change occurring because word has been misused so often, that universal incorrect usage has led to ultimate validation with inclusion in dictionary. Excellent example of people who are so wrong, full circle is achieved to Being Right.

(Query: Why cannot this desirable state of circular error manifest itself when gaining weight? To become so overweight that one is actually thin would indeed validate a Higher Authority for many people.)

Spend unprofitable half hour trying to decide which definition I might change, should I have time to misuse a word often enough. This would require that I use it incorrectly in front of a great many people. It would also entail Leaving the House and Talking to People.

circle of life

(This course of action has rarely proven beneficial.)

During freak wind storm, patio umbrella with pole from next door is picked up and thrown through pane of glass near bed. Tremendous crash makes me wonder if we are under attack by Middle East, and prepare to volunteer my Services with all speed. Just as I am being awarded Medal of Honor for bravery Above and Beyond, neighbor begins to replace pane of glass with admirable lack of unnecessary words. Only wish Neighbor had informed me first, as I was attired in my usual nightshirt sans underwear. Was quite startled to see strange male face at window.

Neighbors are Guatemalan, and I reflect that courtesies of cultures other than strictly American very commendable. With other neighbors would perhaps be waiting forever for new pane, or would just replace and pay for it ourselves. (Broken window could conceivably be attributed to Act of God, although cannot understand why God does not like my window.)

window

Weather now cool enough to plan yard sale. There appears to be more items for sale than are in house. Check to make sure boxes are still filled with items no longer needed, as tendency of family to ‘rescue’ articles from boxes depletes supplies. (NB: Am reasonably sure every item will become sorely missed and needed the moment it is disposed of. Am also sure that each family member will decide in favor of keeping everything, snatching items from the hands of shoppers.) Memory recrudesces of dear friend’s mother who went to thrift store to buy back everything he had donated, with her consent, he had supposed.

(Mem: Find donation center across town and claim loss of memory as to where it is.)

Call dear Aunt, who has recently turned 91. Could not reach her by phone, so after trying in vain to reach relatives, called her local police and asked them to check on her. When I do talk to her, she is bubbly and cheerful about two young, handsome officers who came to her door.

aunt

She tells me about neighbors who are growing something that smells very strange. After investigation, she discovers they are growing marijuana. Reassure her that it is no doubt legal, or at least very close, and adjure her to show caution. Should field catch fire she would become stoned, which would be very strange at her time of life.

She also tells police officers about neighbors. Cannot convince her that mellow people are much nicer to be around than drunks, and in fact, do not indulge in violence or have traffic accidents. Arguments fall on deaf ears. (Dear aunt has perfect hearing, but ninety-one too advanced an age to think more progressively.)

We discuss great-grandfather who ran away from home at age ten, became stable boy, then jockey, and finally wealthy racehorse owner. Dear great-grandfather one of the few in family to Achieve Wealth.

(Mem: Ask dear Brandon why he didn’t run away and make Big Money for us? It is too late now, as he is no longer ten.)

Go shopping to acquire new purse. Very specific tastes as to what is needed and wanted in a handbag, and find myself sitting in chair, surrounded by a great many bags, and discussing merits, or lack thereof, with sympathetic elderly man who is sitting near me, waiting patiently for his wife. He very kindly examines bags with me, and discusses whether each has the desired attributes. Wife reappears, they depart, and I make decision.

(Query: Have men been unfairly maligned as being unhelpful when it comes to fashion choices?)

 

October 27 –

Editor, whom I suspect of dropping the ‘o’ in Inquistr.com, has informed me that my effort to be possible contributor with article about yoga clothing Isn’t Quite the Thing. I respond by return email that I Haven’t slightest clue What they Want as my attempt fulfilled all their requirements as to Trending Topics, number of words allotted, and  Journalistic Format.

I further inform him that since their published articles read as if they are written by middle-school students, I suspect their ad for writers is fraudulent, and is Thinly-Veiled attempt to get readers instead.

(Have to date not had a response to this).

Am perfectly aware my reply is also reminiscent of middle-school, but am not inclined to check childish impulses, the frequency of which are growing with Age. Have strong suspicion that level of maturity of most people is merely for show, until such time as they feel free to behave according to inclination rather than expedience. Conclude this is why elderly are seen as cantankerous.

box

Reference to middle-school brings to mind pleasant (rather than unpleasant, of which there are many) memories of time spent teaching seventh-graders. Remember seeing three of them in hall during class rehearsing a skit for the Revolutionary War. One was marching up and down with musket, while other two performed duties as Villagers.

One Villager remarked to other that ‘The Rednecks Are Coming, The Rednecks Are Coming’. (Have no doubt this is true, but general alarm as to this news not imminent in all fifty states.) Fellow Villager responded in language not in vogue at time of Birth of Nation, ‘It’s Redcoats, you Dweeb.’

minutemen-revolutionary-war

Sending scathing emails quite tiring, so spend rest of day drawing Zentangles with geometric shapes. This activity conducive to calming the spirit, as becoming agitated when doing Zentangle is difficult in the extreme. (Finding patterns in everything I see also results from doing Zentangle.) Inspiration strikes to fold papers in half to make bookmarks with patterns, and laminate them for inexpensive Christmas gifts.

Followed through on inspiration and made a Zentangled Bookmark for a dear friend. Can think of nothing less expensive, as total cost, including stamp, is less than two dollars. (Do not tell her this, however.)

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As change of pace, dress Sugar in boa which is mysteriously taking space on bedroom floor and shedding feathers, which she occasionally tastes and spits out.

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Plan spending spree with Big Money I will make from selling Bookmarks on handicraft site.

November 06-

Truck has been stolen from driveway and plans for swimming and shopping temporarily stalled. Personal observational skills in need of honing, as driveway is mere twenty feet from bedroom window, and theft occurred in broad daylight. Police do not arrive to take report for three hours. I provide them with details about stolen contents such as GPS unit, but am not convinced motivation for Grand Theft was my CDs, which include Doris Day and Matt Monro.

Doris_Day_-_1957

Don goes in search himself, and finds vehicle two blocks away in apartment parking lot. He uses extra key and drives it home. I inform police so they may call off their search. They become agitated when they hear that Don has Taken Law into his Own Hands. Dispatcher tells me, in tones of rebuke, that He could have been pulled from vehicle and Arrested had a police officer seen him.

Consider replying that thieves would be quite fortunate to have police On Hand to see us take our own vehicle, while preserving prolonged absence when it was stolen from driveway. (Query: Is improvement being made in Character when I fail to make sarcastic comment, or is this merely pragmatic decision that Discretion is the Better Part of Valor? Answer as to whether Character is Improving remains murky.)

Contents of boxes in truck, which had old clothing and were slated for donation to thrift store, distributed everywhere as if tossed by the Mob. Am ready to look for perpetrators and exact frontier justice, after they have been tied in trunk and driven Through the Night to a frontier, but Don dissuades me from any action.

old west

(Mem: Check all passersby on street carefully, to see if they are wearing my old clothes.)

Crime Spree comes to end without bloodshed, and expect rest of week to be uneventful. However, when at home alone, I hear footsteps on roof of house. Footsteps far too heavy and measured to be that of an animal, so occurrence joins other family stories of ghostly visitations. As ghost appears harmless, my only condition for our corporeal hospitality is that he should reveal numbers for the Lottery. Would be happy to Put in a Good Word for him in effort to earn him his wings, should we win Big Money.

ghost

(Query: Does the Afterlife confer psychic benefits, or are the deceased cheating and asking a beneficent Deity for the numbers ?)

 

 

 

 

 

November 04-

Receive anonymous email that is one line only, curiously worded, and quite possibly grammatically erroneous: Are keen for work for a couple of months as an assistance. Cannot decide if this is Opportunity of a Lifetime for me, or whether sender is searching for that opportunity. Perhaps he wishes to be of assistance to me, or is wishing I’d get off My Duff and help him out. Without further clarification, I leave him to his own devices.

Sit down with dear Sugar and give her lecture expressing great Disappointment in her Poor Choices. She has torn huge chunks out of foam mattress that is used for lounging in back yard. Would prefer, as I have explained to her many times over, that she confine masticating impulses to rawhide, tasty rocks, and cast-off shoes.

GEDSC DIGITAL CAMERA

She evinces every indication of comprehension, with canine vows of cooperation henceforward, manifested by furrowed dog brow, so expressive of the Sorrow and the Pity. Tears are lacking, but cannot expect everything.

Determine anew after watching news that traveling by bus will never Figure in my future. Public transportation seems to have power to instill violent impulses in random strangers.

fight

(NB: Vision of self as Budding Environmentalist who does not wish to leave carbon footprint evaporates forever, without regret).

Dear Brandon wanders in and we Talk Politics. He has been Learning Things from discussions online. Internet friends are questionable influences, being self-confessed anarchists and communists. Muse on similar conversations from long-distant youth when older brother debated politics with our father. Older brother Activist and Liberal, and dear father was conservative Republican and former military, so results far from harmonious.

Brandon ends discussion with anecdote from middle school when classmate taped red ‘A’ on his back during class. I inquire whether this meant something indicative of an unpleasant personality, or did his classmate think he was an underage Adulterer, reminiscent of Hester Prynne and Scarlet Letter? He told me the red ‘A’ meant Anarchist.

(Perhaps Hester Prynne should have had recourse to Politics rather than Love? These Two are sometimes confused by elected officials, but am sure poor, dear Hester would have been able to tell the difference.)

Dear Hester’s last name is underlined in red by computer typing monitor. Could I possibly mean ‘prune’ or ‘preener’ or ‘spryness?’ (Query: Why would I mean those?) Suggestions of typing monitor difficult to comprehend. Mr. Hawthorne would no doubt disagree with monitor’s suggestions also, as Hester Prune does not carry same panache as original name.

Make lunch date for later in week with dear friend who is office manager. She agrees to lunch but stipulates that work is stressful and must therefore be back to office strictly in one hour.

beach

Reflect that I should Feel Guilty about being only person I know who is not working, but feelings of remorse steadfastly refuse to surface.

(Query: Am I perhaps Anarchist at heart? Would much prefer to embrace Hedonism, as anarchy sounds rather chaotic and a great deal of work.)

 

 

November 03-

Mild weather entices and I carry computer, coffee, Kindle, pad and pen, camera, and magazines outside. Hurricane force wind springs up, neighboring teenager starts personal rock concert, other neighbor honks horn many, many times, and all available, able-bodied dogs begin to bark. Peace ruined, but I persevere in hopes that all will calm down. (Mem: Little People will certainly Hear About This when they arrive for planned invasion).

rock concert

Carry paraphernalia back inside when dirt starts blowing in face, and go grocery shopping.  Stand behind woman who is complaining to butcher, who comes around counter and into aisle to verify woman’s complaint. Woman turns to me, raises her hands, and states that daily Routine prevents her from being at store First Thing. She appears quite distressed over personal turn of events, but am unsure how to reassure her, as telling her Everything Will be Alright seems inadequate, so continue with my own shopping.

Idly wonder what she might do if Butcher and I stood shoulder to shoulder and began to mimic Greek chorus for her benefit, intoning in unison about the Universal Conundrums of Life. Would she know to reply to our Queries in verse, in order to facilitate narrative being told with continuity? (Greeks had much to contend with when entertaining audiences.)

greek chorus

Cashier informs me that it is Senior Discount Day, but assures me I wouldn’t be interested. When I tell her I am Senior, she looks surprised and says I am doing something right as she had No Idea. While I suspect her of circumventing actually asking if I am Senior, I subsequently take her home to keep in basement for boosting moods.

basement

(Note to self: Must return her, as we have no basement.)

Balmy weather perfect for bicycling, but am reminded of Pomeranian Offensive from WWII when usual collection of small dogs rush at my ankles as I pedal, yapping ferociously. (Thousands of compact canines dropped by tiny parachutes behind enemy lines would have done much to win the war.)

Cannot however, decide whether neighborhood is Coming Up, or Going Down as houses not seen in months are either, a) neglected and seedy looking, or, b) in process of being renovated. (Decision as to how the Economy is Doing remains in limbo.)

(Mem: Information about State of the Union should not come solely from bicycling. Resolve in future to make use of more official news sources.)

pomeranian

Small dogs and WWII causes memory to recrudesce of conversation between myself and former fellow teacher. While ensconced in several thousand pages of Mr. Wouk’s novels about WWII, I make observation that Jews were remarkable for not only surviving, but thriving despite horrors visited upon them. In response, fellow teacher informs me that Bible Study explains that Jews brought horrors upon themselves because they Turned Away from God.

Am temporarily bereft of speech. Regretfully abandon first impulse, reaching across desk and yanking her hair very hard, many times, as plan would not be conducive to continued employment, nor be appropriate exhibition for impressionable young minds. I merely reply coldly that I will check with Jewish people to see if they concur with her assessment, and conversation comes to abrupt end. Resolve in future to abstain from trying to have Intelligent Conversations with strangers.

(Deep shudder commences when thinking of certain mind sets conveying historical information to young people.)

Later, other responses present themselves and I mentally inquire of her what it means when Christians go through similar trials? Repartee after the fact unprofitable, but useful as vent to feelings. Feel urge to write message to Mel Brooks in order that he may compose skit making fun of her. (Dear Mel would know exactly what to say.)

Mel Brooks

Below: My dad, a Decorated Fighter Pilot, an Air Force major, a veteran of World War II and Korean War, and Jewish.

dad

 

 

 

 

 

 

November 01-

Canine depression exhibited by dear Sugar ruffles Sunday’s domestic harmony. Tendency to hide under pillows and burrow under low furniture most unlike her. Small furry bottom remains in view with tail waving like question mark. Mr. Squeak in need of reassurance due to lack of interest by Sugar.

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Behavior mystifies us for better part of day. Inspiration strikes and we remove metal vaccination tag from collar. Change is remarkable and immediate as Sugar jumps up and down with her usual energy. Fashion conscious dogs with strict guidelines to achieving canine sartorial bliss difficult to understand.

fashion dog

Further ruffling of tranquility perpetrated by telemarketers with distinctive Indian accents. Telemarketers have me in cross-hairs, phoning almost every hour, and show no fear of Chicago PD or Homeland Security, but instead counter threats with inappropriate suggestions as to how I may want to spend some time with them. Plotting revenge while waiting for next call absorbs some time, but all is worth it when I blow very shrill and loud whistle into phone as soon as call is connected. Fear whistle caused me greater amount of hearing loss than intended target, but as I am recipient of no other calls, it is clear Perfect Solution has presented itself.

Perfect Solution also encompasses not being able to hear telemarketers’ pitches due to deafness. Temporary hearing loss was also the case when whistle was used to call unruly seventh-graders to order while teaching. (Not being able to hear sales pitches or middle-school chaos can be pleasant alternatives.)

Continue to pursue project of softening denim jacket. Soaking jacket in vinegar and salt is recommended, and jacket now smells like salad. Along with coconut oil rubbed in skin and cucumber perfume sample rubbed on Sugar’s head, vegetarians follow us while out walking. Carnivores not so enthusiastic.

Desert winter weather makes walking a joy until discovery of big blisters on both heels. Feet resemble product of meat packing plant. Walking with better shoes will have to wait for at least a week. Remember words of dear Brandon, oft repeated after similar incidents of woe, that Nothing Good ever came from Exercise or Broccoli.

desert

Dear Sugar an apt and willing pupil during walk, and learns to Heel (perhaps blistered, bleeding feet were motivation?) after rocky start during which she tries to see both sides of trail at the same time, wrapping leash around my ankles as if playing Cowboys and Indians. Park visitors no doubt entertained by flailing arms and rude remarks about the murky legalities of her parent’s relationship. Canine excitement finally dissipates and she ceases to feign assault on every walker and biker on trail. Am pleased and proud of her rapid progress, and look for someone to Brag To.

Stop at store on the way home, and wonder whether Sugar and I walked further than we thought and have stumbled into Future. Young clerk sees my library card on key ring and asks if Library is Still Open, as she was sure technology had replaced it By Now. I check the date, see it is Still Today, think of the many branches of the Clark County Library, decide they could not possibly have closed during my hour-long walk, and tell her politely that ‘Yes, Library is Still Open as far as I know.’

(If I am mistaken, I have become owner of many new books.)

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Ponder the many times I have asked a Young Thing to help me with technology, and am now helping a Young Thing understand how technology has Not Yet replaced libraries.

(Circle of Life has again made an appearance in everyday Life to the enlightenment of All Concerned.)

October 30-

Go bicycling, and man wearing Pork Pie hat passes on his bike and says in sing song voice that His bike is better than Mine. Am startled to hear it, and wonder whether I should get new bike. Have no hope that Don will agree this constitutes valid reason for buying another one.

pork pie hat

Later, look for a Pork Pie hat instead of new bike. If I see man again I can sing I have Better Hat than he Does. Swimming poses no problem with anyone telling me they have better swimsuit, although this no doubt true, since I am no longer purchasing expensive suits to be consumed by chemicals.

Dear Don took truck and it is now newly washed and gassed, with fluids all in harmony. Truck and I are temporarily at a loss, as we have not had full tank of gas for a very long time. Spend pleasant few minutes contemplating All the Places I’d Go with unlimited fuel.

(Getting Older means many changes. Auto Erotica now signifies the exciting and pleasurable prospect of full tank of fuel.) Idle fancy occurs of mechanically-minded naughty website featuring cars with open hoods, doors, or Up on Jacks.

eyelashes

(Query: Is this reason for fake eyelashes for headlights?)

Visit doctor’s office and wait usual hour and a half. (Wonder, not for the first time, how an appointment has helped either patient or doctor.) Doctor has very kindly provided big screen television in lobby area on which to play movies and no doubt, prevent riots at long Wait. Small child in stroller screams entire time I am waiting, reminding me to ask doctor about sudden mysterious occurrence of headaches.

jumanji

Later, after arriving home from doctor’s office, small neighbor boy brings Sugar numerous squeak toys to make up for one eaten by their dog. Squeaks are now heard from every corner of house, and am left pondering whether this was Act of Charity or Hostility. Find large rawhide bone hidden under pillow when I go to bed, and as usual, wonder about dear Sugar’s True Intentions.

Mr. Squeak mysteriously appears in my purse during errands, leaving me to wonder if he is a spy and has now blown his cover, or whether this is a hint that Sugar would like to come along, too. Mr. Squeak speaks up during a search for my wallet and cashier shoots me strange look, but I Carry On. Did not have as much cash as expected, but as Mr. Squeak appears innocent and was hiding nothing in his pockets, I let him go on his Own Recognizance.

Sugar and Squeak

(Lack of cash flow no doubt engendered by my own efforts. Resolve to stop Placing Blame on Others. Do not know whose fault it is that I do this.)

 

 

 

October 23-

Dear Friend comes to town and forgets to call me. Am very upset and vow to emulate great Russian writers, who wrote so movingly about the great Tragedies of Life. Decide failure of friend to phone does not fall into same category as oppression, death by frozen Gulag, starvation, and war.

All is back in perspective, and I continue with my activities, chief of which is writing about Incidences in this Diary. (Circle of Life never fails to surprise with it’s unerring accuracy.)

russia

Give myself a permanent, which is also known as chance to practice all my Swear Words. Am convinced that wrapping hair in tiny rollers is worse than childbirth. (Distance of twenty-four years from dear Brandon’s arrival no doubt reason that I would compare rolling hair to giving birth.)

One Tiny Roller’s elastic band with hard plastic cap snaps back and hits thumb causing great pain. (Am painfully reminded of having lawnmower starter string snap back and hit me on chest in very sensitive spot several years ago.) Tiny rollers finally in place, but come loose from their moorings and hang askew. Permanent still comes out well, despite initial fright of having knots of hair fall out.

(NB: Tiny things of life cause Great Grief, but remind myself of frozen Gulags, starvation, etc.) Russian writers missed significant literary opportunity to chronicle human angst manifested by unceasing feminine devotion to Pursuit of Beauty. Do not know whether Russian writers wrote about unceasing masculine Pursuit of Booty, pirate or otherwise.

Desire to workout in fresh air leads me to make mistake of taking giant yellow exercise ball outside. Am reminded vividly of Booty when ball explodes after it meets small hard rock, and catapults me onto large metal tools. Avoid life-threatening injury, but  chance to win Big Money by sending film clip of this to funny video show is out of the question, as no one is present to film the Agony without the Ecstasy.

elephanton ball

Watch television and read magazines with Sugar comfortably ensconced next to me when she suddenly jumps down to get Mr. Squeak. Before she can return, Don lies down in her spot. Sugar stops three feet away, Mr. Squeak dangling feet first from her mouth, and stares at him disbelievingly. When we become hysterical, she turns away with dignity, and goes behind sofa.

Leaf through fashion magazine, with coy excuse that it is ‘for the articles’, but is really for the pictures, and read how-to article on Protecting Your Relationship. Am curious to see if Don and I are safe from current pitfalls.

Article focuses on two young, very wealthy, jet-setting entrepreneurs, so feel comfortable they must Know What They Are Talking About. Mr. and Ms. Jet-Setter begin by telling dear Reader that they are always home for dinner. Mr. Setter is owner of corporate jets so being on time for dinner seems effortless, unless Mr. Setter has forgotten keys to jet.

jet

They continue by saying they don’t always consult each other when spending money, and Ms. Setter has proven it by buying brand-new, expensive sports car without telling Mr. Setter, who is probably in Jet somewhere, and therefore not available for consultation. Think of Don who is always so lenient when I spend $100 at grocery store. Article also tells me that I should Outsource Housework, avoid Toxic Friends, and Have Sex whenever possible to enhance and protect Relationship.

While I can get on board with a) by ordering dear Brandon to do housework, and b) because I seldom see friends except once or twice a year, unless they come to town, and then are very likely to forget to call me, c) is more difficult as dear Don and I both fall asleep on sofa by 9 o’clock. Resolve to Make Effort in this direction.

(Query: Did Article mean sex only with Each Other?)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

October 20-

Sample Ballot for early voting arrives in mail. Leaf through it in order to Be Informed, become bored, and ask dear Don to read it and form my opinions for me. (Have no hope this will go well. He has listened to many of my opinions over the course of this relationship, and therefore believes in my ability to form them.)

Feel compelled to find old song, ‘Once Upon a Time’, the tune of which has been playing in my head over and over. Find it on popular website with accompanying video, and dissolve into tears as pictures of long-gone Beautiful People embrace one another while song plays.

(Possible treatise on why women feel the need to Weep on otherwise beautiful day presents itself, but cannot see properly to begin writing.)

once upon a time

Sharing song and video with Don leads to revelation (am not sure how) that he has never read The Highwayman, so I read it to him and break down again when landlord’s Red-Lipped Daughter shoots herself to save Dashing Highwayman. Dear Don at first very much against Dashing Highwayman as being thief and possible murderer, but after hearing poem, he joins me in tears.

(NB: Sentimental men so refreshing).

Goal of skinnier body closer than ever but feel as I might sprout wings and fly like a chicken. Am not sure chickens fly, but I have not been eating eagles, so cannot Metaphorically become one. (Am convinced that if diagnosed with anorexia, loss of weight would be slow, but conversely is rapid after one potato chip).

Melody of song continues to play in head over and over, but substitute word ‘carbohydrates’  instead of Love. Have often wondered at inclination of human brain to skip from one dilemma of life to another. Remember when young, carbohydrates had no effect on Figure, which was perhaps why Love appeared so often, so can see where Brain might find link between the two.

Roll out mountain bike from summer hibernation and fill tires. Reflect once again that southern Nevada is like the South Pole where everything is opposite. Try to remember how it felt to embrace outdoor activities in summer, rather than winter. Further reflection reminds me that in a month, I shall be enjoying these activities while many others will be muffled to eyebrows in winter clothing.

vintage bike

(Later, conduct research on internet to make sure everything really is opposite in South Pole, but after doing so, am no closer to answer. Vague idea presents itself that water goes down drain in counterclockwise motion).

Have now grand total of three bicycles: One stationary bike which has electronic console which only permits of one speed, Difficult, one vintage bike hooked up to outside trainer, and one mountain bike.

Grandiose plans take place in Mind of riding at least one of these bikes every morning, and then swimming in afternoons. Las Vegas speculators likely to Clean Up if making book on whether I live or die with proposed physical routine in place.

bookie

(Query: Faith in personal abilities far removed from actual capabilities. Is distance between Belief and Reality typical of advanced age?).