Overwhelming urge to clean out closet overcomes me and I pull quantities of things out and strew them over the bed, chair, and floor. Find myself unable to move out of things surrounding my feet and call for help. Dear Brandon is preparing a turkey for dinner, but rises to the occasion by helping me to clear a path.
Later, as I walk through kitchen, he begins to whisper to turkey, rubbing it with spices and garlic, and Spanking it lightly.
The next day, he looks for something to eat, and informs me that the turkey had four legs. I tell him that in these Troubled Times, that seems perfectly reasonable. We already ate two, he ate one, and now there is another. Dear Turkey has grown another leg, no doubt due to Brandon’s whispering to it while he dressed and seasoned it.
Should future Wife need extra limbs for athletic endeavors, she will have Perfect Companion to provide her with them. Dear Sugar shows some envy, but suspect this is more from desire to share in riches discovered than from desire to sprout fifth leg.
Efforts at Getting Rid of things begins to Pay off, and many, many items have been sorted and disposed of, and are in donation boxes, or garbage. Take heart at this state of affairs, and feel I am ready to tackle Bigger Things. Boxes of records and books are next in line for sorting, but have no great hopes that I will be able to let go of them all.
Young man who buys records is scheduled to come over and sort through stacks with me. My plans to dig up pedal pushers, pink scarf to tie around neck, wear hair in flip, and lie on stomach popping bubble gum while sorting through 45s and LPs, will no doubt, not meet with enthusiasm from young man.
Receive text from email address with same last name as myself. Unable to remember family member who tells me about woman who has competed in national marathon. Consider responding to anonymous, but genetically-related person, that I am now champion Pole Dancer, that dear Don has become a woman, and Brandon is interning at White House. Feel this would be appropriate response to text bragging about family member I do not remember off-hand. I request more information from sender, and he replies that He is a Grandfather now, which does not put me any further ahead.
Have recourse to my brother, who Remembers Everyone, and find out he is a cousin. We have actually met several years ago, but neither of us recall this immediately. He and his wife have had twins and quads, who are now grown, my brother informs me, and she is running marathon. Am suitably impressed, but still inclined to begin announcing to relatives that I am now pole dancer.
While out shopping, overhear elderly man flirting with Young Thing. She tells him she is single, and he accuses her of ‘Keeping it All to Herself’. Young Thing laughs uproariously, and I reflect that Great Age is a relaxing state of mind that doesn’t require a great deal of thought when dealing with the Opposite Sex. Consider using Suave Suitor’s techniques on the next young man that strolls my way.
Spend eleven hours the next day submitting dear Diary to blog directories. Eyes are dry and staring, brain is buzzing, but find myself unable to stop.
Circle of Life has invaded internet activities when I write in Diary about submitting It to directories.