Dear Friend comes to town and forgets to call me. Am very upset and vow to emulate great Russian writers, who wrote so movingly about the great Tragedies of Life. Decide failure of friend to phone does not fall into same category as oppression, death by frozen Gulag, starvation, and war.
All is back in perspective, and I continue with my activities, chief of which is writing about Incidences in this Diary. (Circle of Life never fails to surprise with it’s unerring accuracy.)
Give myself a permanent, which is also known as chance to practice all my Swear Words. Am convinced that wrapping hair in tiny rollers is worse than childbirth. (Distance of twenty-four years from dear Brandon’s arrival no doubt reason that I would compare rolling hair to giving birth.)
One Tiny Roller’s elastic band with hard plastic cap snaps back and hits thumb causing great pain. (Am painfully reminded of having lawnmower starter string snap back and hit me on chest in very sensitive spot several years ago.) Tiny rollers finally in place, but come loose from their moorings and hang askew. Permanent still comes out well, despite initial fright of having knots of hair fall out.
(NB: Tiny things of life cause Great Grief, but remind myself of frozen Gulags, starvation, etc.) Russian writers missed significant literary opportunity to chronicle human angst manifested by unceasing feminine devotion to Pursuit of Beauty. Do not know whether Russian writers wrote about unceasing masculine Pursuit of Booty, pirate or otherwise.
Desire to workout in fresh air leads me to make mistake of taking giant yellow exercise ball outside. Am reminded vividly of Booty when ball explodes after it meets small hard rock, and catapults me onto large metal tools. Avoid life-threatening injury, but chance to win Big Money by sending film clip of this to funny video show is out of the question, as no one is present to film the Agony without the Ecstasy.
Watch television and read magazines with Sugar comfortably ensconced next to me when she suddenly jumps down to get Mr. Squeak. Before she can return, Don lies down in her spot. Sugar stops three feet away, Mr. Squeak dangling feet first from her mouth, and stares at him disbelievingly. When we become hysterical, she turns away with dignity, and goes behind sofa.
Leaf through fashion magazine, with coy excuse that it is ‘for the articles’, but is really for the pictures, and read how-to article on Protecting Your Relationship. Am curious to see if Don and I are safe from current pitfalls.
Article focuses on two young, very wealthy, jet-setting entrepreneurs, so feel comfortable they must Know What They Are Talking About. Mr. and Ms. Jet-Setter begin by telling dear Reader that they are always home for dinner. Mr. Setter is owner of corporate jets so being on time for dinner seems effortless, unless Mr. Setter has forgotten keys to jet.
They continue by saying they don’t always consult each other when spending money, and Ms. Setter has proven it by buying brand-new, expensive sports car without telling Mr. Setter, who is probably in Jet somewhere, and therefore not available for consultation. Think of Don who is always so lenient when I spend $100 at grocery store. Article also tells me that I should Outsource Housework, avoid Toxic Friends, and Have Sex whenever possible to enhance and protect Relationship.
While I can get on board with a) by ordering dear Brandon to do housework, and b) because I seldom see friends except once or twice a year, unless they come to town, and then are very likely to forget to call me, c) is more difficult as dear Don and I both fall asleep on sofa by 9 o’clock. Resolve to Make Effort in this direction.
(Query: Did Article mean sex only with Each Other?)